i'm going thru a rather rough time right now too.
keepin everything to myself for days is enough.

ytd night, my mother tried to convince me on quitting work.. because i'm looking rather pale and tired. BUT working is sth i enjoyed. i know she's concern and my father too is rly concerned abt me.. they're afraid of me neglecting sch, something i admit... i'm rly guilty of.
but trust me.. i'll rly rly do my best in everything... believe it or not, i rly do know what i'm doing. asking me to quit work is somehow a no-no right now. let me, stand firmly on my stand, for the first time? (i know it definitely wont be the last)

next, i rly rly cant catch up on schwork. blame it on, mths w/o any pressure or stress. blame it on my laziness. blame it on, sleeping in lectures. blame it on not paying attention in tutorials. blame it on myself. but, it's not too late to regret and change right? ;)

yeah and all those "having a disciple" is somehow getting into me too. i've limited patience.. and i cant stand ppl who dont listen or act according to who's watching them. not showing any anger means.. no temper at all? ha, wait till i explode.

and breaking those cups today, counting wrong plates, scalding myself, getting lots of blue blacks... all just in one day.. everything's so wrong today, right from forgetting to take my wallet, getting to work late to... even now.

yea and i'm rather piss off with some nonsense.
like wtf i did. ok i know no one is knowing what i'm going thru until i blog it out, but... hey, spare a thought for others, a small tiny winy one will do. i dont give you shit and so do you.
imagine, silent disagreements with ur parents, lacking behind studies is enough. i dont need more nonsense and more gloating over my-ha-ha-boo-hoo-no-chance thing to... fill up my brain. i alrdy mention i'm not in the mood to entertain nonsense and i got shoot with i'm the one giving nonsense.

think, if i rly did. imagine popping up just to show off or sth?
my bf. yeah like i've one... next my father pop out. when you're in a no nonsense mood, will you even think hard for the hidden meaning and think who's ur bf? who you rly want to speak to? hell, no in my case.

maybe it's another elaine's being unreasonable case for you...
if saying the word "er xin" affected you that much, den i'm sorry. but i dont see why it trigger off those attacks. you know me well enough to know, i wont say sth i dont feel like.

i'm toooo tired to even think correctly. because i'm treating you as a friend, a gd bro.. thats why i tell you how i feel truthfully. seriously this is not the first time i dont feel gd, but none of you put urself in my shoes. all those silently " i'm feeling hurt, upset" mood erupted into the convo today.

haiz. i failed to control my emotions somehow too. ok, i admit it's a failure on my part.
a student teacher shouldnt be doing this. so much so for being holy. i'm too tired for that tooooooo.

i'm feeling sick, somehow.
with those environment, those.. comments. physically and emotionally.

as mentioned before, i wont tolerate more than i should. it applies to even now. bu shuang, i'll just shoot it out. being direct is better than.. hiding. i dont like others being angry with me but.. i dont see the need of feeling sad over sth i shouldnt.

missing the gd old times seem so normal, but never will things be the same again.
i'm aware of that and dont need anyone to keep reminding me of that. missing those old times, dont mean.. i'm one who live in the past. get to know me better.
i loook forward rather than.. the past.

tmr will be a better day. :)

... peace out.